The Feckless Wonder (uvula_fr_b4) wrote,
The Feckless Wonder

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Help, met.

When one is in a long-term relationship, lawfully wedded or otherwise, one learns to take one's triumphs and joys where one may.

F'r instance: after roughly fifteen years, mine spouse has finally acknowledged the nigh-miraculous healing properties of Bag Balm.

Whenever I used it on my burns or blisters, she sneered at the fact that it was originally designed for cow udders (hence the ointment's name); she railed at its greasiness and how some of it rubbed off onto the sheets when I went to bed; she recoiled from what she said was its foul reek.

(You want "foul reek"? Crack open a tube of Ben Gay, or a bottle of Selsun Blue, the latter of which I douse my head with three days a week. Since having maddeningly itchy dandruff isn't punishment enough, I must slather my scalp with what looks and smells like puréed bug guts. Eeeeeewwww.)

This past Sunday (24 September), when she rather badly burned her foot while cooking, I slathered some Bag Balm on it. The fact that she did not trot out her tired and tiresome objections is an indication of how much pain she was in.

And the next evening -- voila! -- no blisters. The burn was well on its way to being healed.

Though I sternly counseled her to keep applying Bag Balm after showering for the rest of the week, she declined, claiming that her foot was entirely healed.

Seriously, this Bag Balm stuff is like something out of sci-fi or fantasy: for topical ailments it's like a Heal spell cast by an 8th level cleric. No home should be without a tin of it; I've had mine for around 25 years now. (Thankfully I don't get burned or blistered that frequently; though I confess to not always have hied me to the stuff when in need of it, thanks largely to the objections of my helpmeet.) It goes without saying that the sooner you apply Bag Balm the better it works.

Y'know what the most difficult part about fulfilling the role of husband, in the "caretaker/steward" sense? Getting your wife to let you.
Tags: domestic bliss, health & beauty products, personal crap
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